San Antonio Vice

My new “mandatory relaxation” program has been working out. Well, it was working fantastically until I ran out of money, maxed out my credit cards and spent the rent on non-rent-related items. I’ll explain.

It all started the day before I left for San Antonio for a conference. jumpmonk and I went to the Rittenhouse Art Show. We had bought our first piece of art together a couple of months previous, a photograph taken in the neighborhood, for $100. There was a discussion. It went something like this:

“A hundred dollars seems like a lot of money to spend on art right now.”

“Owning art makes you a better person.”

End of discussion. I wanted the print, and it was reasonable.

But that Saturday strolling through the show I spied an oil painting I’d seen six months before and wanted, wanted, wanted. It was of a barn and paddock at dusk with two horses in teal blankets. It spoke to me. Sure, I was supposed to be saving my money for the conference, but it seemed prophetic that I should run into the same painting twice. The artist was lovely, and offered to allow me to make payments while taking the painting home that day.

Perfect. I had my painting while avoiding voiding my checking account.

But jm still had some cash in his account.

Two art pieces later, I’d cleaned him out of his moolah, happily walked him home with our loot and decorated our white walls. I felt relaxed, pleased and not at all worried. I was going to try Rachel Ray’s $40 a day scheme in San Antonio. Things would be fine.

I was surprisingly relaxed during the flight despite the presence of my boss and two coworkers. You know you’re in Texas when you are checking into the Marriott and the guy next to you has a Bud Light sitting on the counter while he digs through his jeans pockets for his picture identification. It looked like everyone was as relaxed as I was.

I needed to buy a couple of things at the conference, like a new stethoscope. I should have really scrutinized my behavior when I bought two. How many stethoscopes can I use at once? Two! The answer is two!

I then discovered that the Riverwalk was right outside the hotel. The Riverwalk is not a natural river, such as I imagined, but a shopping mall with a three-foot-deep canal running through it. I was caught skipping a lecture to go shoe shopping by two of the doctors from our hospital. That probably should have curbed my lecture-skipping / shoe-buying ways.

But noooooooooo.

I picked up a dinner check for $100, and spent the last day of the conference in the old city searching for Day of the Dead tchotchkes. I got polluted every night with the girls. I got a pricey pedicure at the Marriott. Boy, was I relaxed with pretty toes drunkenly peeking out of my new bright red sandals.

I was feelin’ good.

Feelin’ great even while dragging home two extra bags full of shoes and souvenirs.

The other day I got a phone call from the pharmacy. “Did you notice that one of your prescriptions was mislabeled?” asked the pharmacist.

“Why, yes, I did. When I ran out of pills.”

“Your buspirone should have been labeled ‘Take one twice daily’ instead of two,” he explained. “Did you take too many?”

“You mean, as in, twice as much as recommended? Yeah.”

He wanted to know if I’d overdosed on an ANTI-ANXIETY drug for TWO WEEKS.

I figured it out, but the damage was done, I told him. And I need more pills now because I ate them ALL and spent all my MONEY. Not to mention the liberal drinking and public merriment that went on. Not to mention the missed lectures and excessive swearing in front of my boss.

I guess the moral of the story is, a little anxiety (Martha pause) is a good thing.

Above, an iStockphoto. No use crying over spilt nail polish.