I realize I’m in the minority, but I’ve never liked Mother Teresa.

This morning I was Googling quotes, for inspiration, and everybody’s favorite beatified Albanian, the former Ms. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu, just kept popping up on my screen.  My annoyance turned to near admiration; she had a way of turning her hypocrisy into inspiring sentences, despite what I see as her willful ignorance and lack of real-world ethics.

I get that she was a true believer, that she sacrificed and worked hard for what she thought was right.  That is commendable.  If you are Catholic, a nun, a fan or a fellow traveller, I beg your indulgence.  Struggle through the next few paragraphs.  I promise, there is a point.

So.  Why so down on a short woman in a blue-bordered sari who only wanted to help the poor?  Here are my reasons, a few places where MT and I disagree:

Her alternative to birth control and abortion?  Orphanages, which were found to be overcrowded and filthy.

Her alternative to financing proper medical care?  Homes for the dying, where there were no qualified medical professionals, antibiotics, pain medications or clean needles.  (Used needles were rinsed under cold water and reused.)

Her alternative to poverty?  Well, she had none.  She believed poverty and suffering brought people closer to God.

Her alternative to the poor rising up and demanding a better life?  “Forgive.  Forgive.”

What I hear in those words is: “Give up and die”.  Allow uncaring governments to continue getting richer while their poorest citizens suffer.  Because, you know, you’re gettin’ closer to God.

She accepted millions of dollars from dictators (Haitian dictator Jean-Claude Duvalier) and corrupt businessmen (remember Charles Keating?).  She used the money to expand her empire of the Missionaries of Charity, converting the suffering to Catholicism while the sick kept dying.

A note on one wall in her hospice, the Kalighat Home for the Dying, read  “I am on my way to Heaven.”

“It was by talking to her that I discovered, and she assured me, that she wasn’t working to alleviate poverty,” says Christopher Hitchens. “She was working to expand the number of Catholics. She said, ‘I’m not a social worker. I don’t do it for this reason. I do it for Christ. I do it for the church.’” (The Debate Over Sainthood, CBS News, 2003)

However, when she developed a heart condition, a failing left ventricle, did she continue to suffer?  Did she put it in God’s hands?  Did she accept her fate?  No.  Instead, she accepted the best of Western medicine, even traveling to a hospital in California for a pacemaker.  To be fair, she also consented to an exorcism, because the Archbishop of Calcutta was convinced her heart problems might be an attack by the Devil.  So, all bases were covered.

I realize I might have lost more than half my audience by now.  For those who remain, hang on, because I’m going to take a sharp turn here.

What does this have to do with the plight of homeless animals in Philadelphia?  Well, is what the city shelter system does for animals much different from the hospice system set up by MT?  They use similar euphemisms for dying — “getting wings”, “crossing the rainbow bridge,” — even when the deaths are unnecessary and grim.  The animals are on their way to Heaven.

I believe death should be called death.  Euthanasia should be called killing.  Denial of proper medical care should be called suffering at the hands of humans.  And the use of money collected by 501(c) animal charities for anything other than helping animals is no more than simple corruption, an abrogation of the moral contract between the donors and the organization.

Surely, the stalwarts of the old-school Adopt-A-Few, Kill-The-Rest dogma believe that they are doing the right thing, or maybe the only thing left to them in the face of a staggering homeless pet and animal cruelty problem.  But here are some examples of what keeps me awake at night:

A total of 1,715 animals were killed at Animal Care and Control Team (powered by the PSPCA) in July, 2010 alone.  Cats comprised 1,250 of those killed.  Those that were found dead in the kennel totaled 43, and those that went missing (?) totaled 48.  All in one month.  These numbers do not include deaths at the headquarters or the satellite shelters belonging to the PSPCA.  (Statistics provided on the PSPCA website.)

About 50% of the intakes walked out of ACCT’s doors alive, either adopted, transferred to headquarters, or given to rescues.  Only 60 animals, mostly dogs, were returned to their owners.

I find these numbers disturbing, especially when alternatives are available.  In fact, those in charge of warehousing and killing these animals are well aware of the alternatives I mean.  It’s time to hold someone accountable, because every day we do nothing, hundreds of dogs and cats are killed or left to suffer in substandard conditions around the country, and right here in our backyard.

The leadership of the PSPCA were in attendance at the recent No Kill Conference in Washington DC.  The Board approved sending eleven employees, paying for admission to the conference and rooms at the Quincy Hotel.  In fact, PSPCA CEO Sue Cosby gave a lecture at this conference.

Should we ask her why there were no discussions on No-Kill solutions or alternatives with her employees during that weekend, or after that weekend?  I was there, and interested in talking about it, but I was told to keep my mouth shut.  I wondered then, as I do now, if the trip was anything more than a donor-supported vacation.  Should we ask about the gag order on employees, and why “there is no plan to go no kill?”  (This, according to an anonymous source within upper management.)

Yes.  We should.

We can make a difference, one step at a time.  Write an email to the CEO asking how she can give a lecture in front of avid No Kill advocates and have “no plan” for her own city’s shelter system.  Ask her why the Board-ordered “open-door policy” is non-existent and why she feels it necessary to force employees to sign confidentiality agreements.  Let me know what inspiring quotes she responds with by leaving comments below.

Email: scosby@pspca.org

I assure all donors and The Board that the trip to DC was not wasted on me.  The fight for animals in Philly has only just begun.

LINKS

See the documentary “Hell’s Angel” (three parts)

Read the The Missionary Position

Follow The Numbers at the PSPCA

Examine the No Kill Equation, the only model that has been successful in creating a No Kill community

A sigh of relief would be appropriate here.

I was mistaken in saying that they were going to use straight xylazine, and I stand corrected.  Apparently, a xylazine/Ketamine cocktail had been used in a previous trial, which caused the traumatic side effects, including muscle tremors and vomiting.  Now that the concentrations of the drugs have been changed, death at the PSPCA isn’t the cruel ordeal I predicted it would be.  They have made an effort to sedate and kill humanely, thanks to the efforts of Dr. Aimee Berman, Director of Medicine.

But other problems continue.

I wrote my original post on this topic to help my friends and former coworkers, to make it clear to my readers that things need to change.  I intend to continue my advocacy, with the blessings of my new employer and the encouragement of my kind supporters.

I never advised anyone to stop giving money to, or volunteering with, the PSPCA.  I even urged people to help all they could.  I am still giving the place all the money I can afford, and I won’t stop the monthly donations.  Denying them support won’t fix their problems.  Offering help and ideas to the right people will.

One problem I need to address immediately is the official party line, the standard happy bushwah of the “open-door policy.”  There is no open-door policy.  Workers are still walking on glass, tiptoeing that fine line between advocating for the animals and losing their jobs.  It’s unfair, stressful and wrong, wrong, wrong.

And it’s bad, bad, bad for the animals.  Keep in mind that these workers have concerns about the care given (or not given) their charges.  Guess what?  That is their job.  If a worker has an idea that will improve conditions in the shelter, there’s nowhere for them to go.  “There is a strict chain of command, and it’s frowned upon to jump levels,” I’ve been told, any number of times.

So, what choice does that leave the workers?  Continue to ignore the problems, leading to burnout?  Disobey direct orders, and try not to get caught?  Walk away from a job they love, just like I did?

Yes.  I admit it.  I miss that place more than anything.

Many of the workers (I include myself) had lists of ideas to improve conditions at headquarters, to improve the save-rate of the entire organization.  Some of these lists and letters may have never gotten past the first level of the “chain of command”.  Who knows?  They certainly were never addressed, and most often never acknowledged.

Here’s a suggestion for The Board:  Call a meeting with the nurses, kennel workers and volunteers, and listen to their ideas and concerns.  Or, circulate a postal or email address, and allow them to send messages anonymously, so they don’t fear for their jobs.  These are the people who will give you the ideas, and lead the PSPCA in the right direction.

Because they care for the animals, and care about the animals.  Because they have made caring the work of their lives.  Because they have to live with the reality of high-volume killing, and balance it with the struggle to save hundreds of sick animals, every day.

Talk to them.  Really.  They want to help, they can help.

They will help.

Trying to help those sick ones left in cages without a doctor’s care, “euthanizing” treatable creatures, it felt like getting run over by ambulances, every day.  Wait, how did helping turn to hurting?  How did I get myself into this?

I see it happening to others as well.

I may have lasted longer if I hadn’t taken on so many hours, if I’d had an outlet for my anxiety, if I hadn’t worked so many years saving lives before my experiences in taking lives.  I may have lasted longer if there had been an open-door policy, if I could have voiced my concerns to someone who had the power to improve the situation.

It doesn’t help working in an environment that discourages self-expression.  It doesn’t help working 60 to 80-hour weeks because of understaffing.  It doesn’t help when you feel alienated from friends and loved ones.

After all, how many of your friends want to see the photo of the cart piled high with 50 cats you just killed because some of them were sick, or there weren’t enough cages?  How many spouses can hear stories about sick and injured animals who are not getting the best care, or even minimal care?  How much do you tell people when you are falling down, suffering from the stress?  Most of us try to work through it.  “It will pass.”

Wrong.  It won’t pass.  It doesn’t just go away.  And every day off that you go into work, every overtime hour you spend, every night you get no sleep, every meal you miss adds to the burden, until you become ineffectual, low-functioning, non-functioning in your professional and personal life.

There is a definite difference between “Compassion Fatigue” and “Burnout.”  If you hate your work, you are burned out.  Time to move on.  Go back to school, find another career.  If you still love your work, but are suffering from even some of the following symptoms, you have Compassion Fatigue, also known as Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder:

*  Lowered ability to concentrate at work and at home
*  Decreased self esteem (Am I really doing any good?)
*  Feelings of powerlessness (I have no resources to make the situation better)
*  Survivor’s guilt
*  Depression, fear, sadness, anger
*  Impatience, mood swings, appetite changes, sleep disturbances
*  Questioning the meaning of life
*  Isolation, disinterest in friends, intimacy, sex
*  Physical ailments, such as dizziness and headaches
*  Low work morale, motivation, absenteeism
*  Exhaustion

Some shelter workers feel self-destructive, and self-medicate with drugs and alcohol to relieve the stress.  A few become suicidal.  Some have the desire to hurt others.  Many become so detached from their feelings that they lose their empathy altogether.  Many give up and leave their profession.

What we don’t want to hear is, “It takes a long time to recover.”  No way, I need to get better today so that I can continue my work!  I can’t take another week of feeling like this!

And anyway, I’m a strong person.  I should be able to handle this.  Right?

But it does take a long time.  And it takes action, not only from the sick, but from their employers.  Recovery, once you’ve gotten to the point of despair, may require a leave of absence and therapy.  If you’ve acknowledged the symptoms early, you might continue working, but with some adjustments.

Look out for each other.  If your coworker seems distressed, reach out, take a break, talk about it.  Ask for time off when you need it.  Reach out to those who support you.  Get professional help.  There are therapists and support groups that will listen, understand and give you the help you need.

I will have to live with the guilt that I left those animals behind.  That I left my friends to deal with the tragedy.  Because of my words and actions (see previous post), I probably won’t be allowed near the PSPCA again anytime soon.  Phone calls to my former coworkers have gone unanswered.

I did what I did, and said what I needed to say because that was part of my recovery.  I did it because I am a nurse, and in that role I am the advocate for the animals.  I did it because without a human voice, those animals will never receive the attention they have a right to.  I could no longer remain at the PSPCA because my illness had progressed too far.  I was not functional.

To the colleagues I left behind: just remember, those animals need you.  They need you to be strong and advocate for their welfare.  You nurses and assistants, you volunteers and kennel workers are their only chance at survival, at any decent quality of life.  But they need you to be strong and healthy if they are to become strong and healthy.

To the organizations and the people who run them: you can help, you can prevent your workers from getting sick in the first place.  Give them “time outs” in a quiet place, “mental health” days off.  Provide someone for them to talk to when they are feeling hopeless, frustrated and stressed.  Develop an open-door policy for workers to voice their concerns, and take those concerns seriously.

Just care.  Care about them.  They do the dirty work, and it hurts.  We all need to  take care of those who take care of the animals.

LINKS

Coping With Stress For Shelter Workers

Stress and Compassion Fatigue, HSUS Animal Sheltering Webpage

And now, I’ve got something to say.

I recently attended the No Kill Conference in Washington DC, sponsored by the No Kill Advocacy Center and the George Washington University Animal Law Program.  Their goal is to end the killing of healthy or treatable, unwanted or stray dogs and cats.  It was an inspiring experience.  I found that my commitment to the cause of saving animals was validated, renewed.  Much to my surprise, I’ve become an Activist.

And I’m just exhausted.

Which is why I quit working for the Philadelphia SPCA last Sunday, after only three months in their employment.  That day, I got dressed in my usual scrubs, got into my car and drove down to E. Erie Avenue.  I immediately felt like I was going to puke.  I started crying, and not in that precious Julia-Roberts-No-Run-Mascara way.  It was snot city.

I didn’t bother clocking in.

I’m suffering from a mild, self-diagnosed case of Compassion Fatigue.  Thankfully, my levels of compassion have not lessened, but the stress, the sadness, the feelings of hopelessness, of decreased productivity, are all strong signs that my glass is currently half empty.

Why walk out on an organization working to save lives, especially when animal welfare is my passion?  Let’s start with a layman’s overview of the PSPCA’s budget crisis:

The PSPCA’s total budget last year was $14 million, and they spent $15 million.  (This is according to an anonymous inside source.)  This is how much they have to run the headquarters, all the branches, ACCT (the Animal Care and Control Team), and oversee the city’s cruelty police work.  City Hall and the donors have yet to bail PSPCA out of an inherited financial train wreck left to them by previous administrations.

The PSPCA holds the city’s contract for cruelty seizures.  This is both a financial burden and a necessary service to the community.  You gotta give them props for improving their save numbers despite this responsibility.  In July, 2010, the PSPCA found homes for 1,800 dogs and cats, a 300% improvement over last year.

Though, I admire and applaud the adoptions department, I can’t say much for the other departments at the PSPCA.

(The total PSPCA save numbers may have improved by about 10% this year, according to insiders.  In 2009, the PSPCA save rate for dogs and cats was around 50%.  In order to qualify as a No Kill Shelter, the save rate should be 90% or more.)

Since the Animal Care and Control Team, powered by the PSPCA, does most of the killing in Philadelphia (they currently hold the city contract for strays and drop-offs), my tenure lasted a good couple of months longer than it would have otherwise.  The headquarters branch is closed to strays and drop-offs, so I wasn’t exposed to the daily massacre at ACCT.  The poor “Euth Techs” at ACCT have been walking the surrendered animals straight from the front door to the “E Room.”  The “E” stands for euthanasia.  There are no cages available.

As a Certified Veterinary Nurse, my promise, my oath to the animals, is to save lives, and to end lives humanely when they are not savable.  However, I have photos on my phone of carts piled high with dead animals.  I am guilty of killing healthy/savable dogs and cats because no one was available to keep them on heat support or on fluids during overnight hours.  In order to save money, the overnight shift in the Shelter Hospital was cut.  At some point, the hospital itself will exist no more, unless someone steps in to help.

The PSPCA nurses were recently ordered to stop using our magical mixture of Telazol, Butorphanol and Domitor (TTD), which makes the animals fall asleep painlessly and peacefully  prior to euthanasia.  We were given Xylazine instead.  It’s cheaper.  However, it is not effective.  Many animals have alarming reactions, including “freak outs” and vomiting, once the Euthasol, a barbiturate overdose intended to stop respiration and cardiac function, is introduced into their system.  I simply cannot be responsible for an animal spending its last seconds of life choking on vomit.  It’s inhumane.

This drug-swap also prevents one nurse from carrying out the killing alone.  The animal must be restrained by another person while the drug is introduced into the vein.  The animal’s departure is not peaceful, and the organization ends up paying TWO people to perform the dirty deed.

Not being a number-cruncher by trade, I’m hazy as to how that ends up being cost effective.  But the psychological effects on both the animals and the nurses are devastating.

None of this is humane in my eyes, and I cannot be convinced it is true euthanasia.  It’s murder.  I have always felt that it doesn’t matter where a homeless animal ends up, it should be treated with respect and compassion.

So, am I going to stop supporting the PSPCA?  No.  And here’s why:

No Kill shelters get public support (read: money) because, overwhelmingly, the public supports the ideals of the No Kill Movement.  David, one of my nine cats, did not ask his former owners to drop him off with a life-threatening condition, at the PSPCA.  That he was considered “unadoptable” put his life in jeopardy, despite the fact that we took initial measures to save him.

(David was brought in by his former owners because he had a urinary obstruction, a life-threatening emergency.  We unblocked him, placed him on fluids and kept a urinary catheter in for two days.  Now what, we asked?  Can he be adopted to a family, who then will have to give him up if he blocks again?  Killing David was discussed, but before a conclusion could be agreed on I had him in a box and in my car.  He’s on a special diet and hasn’t blocked again.)

As Joan Schaffner, Director of the Animal Law Program at George Washington Law School explained to me in an email, most No Kill shelters have it easy because they are NOT open access, meaning they may pick and choose which animals gain entry into their safe haven.  In Philadelphia, the PSPCA is also contracted to take in all strays (through ACCT).  They do not have the luxury of choosing which animals, or how many animals, are allowed in the door.

There ARE open-door No Kill shelters across the nation that are making things work, by stacking cages in every room, basement and hallway, and by following the No Kill Equation.  But Philadelphia is a tough town for that math.  The city “cruelty contract” and “stray contract” complicate matters.  The fact that a past CEO nearly bankrupted the PSPCA left the door open for all kinds of blame to be flopped right in current CEO Sue Cosby’s lap.

Despite my soul-crushing experience, I will continue to foster sick animals, donate money every month, and hope for the best.  And I’m going to write about this until the Public steps in to help their city’s shelter system.

How?  Here’s how.

ADOPT.  Don’t buy your next animal, which probably came from an inhumane puppy mill.  Adopt an animal in need from one of the many shelters in Philadelphia.

DESIGNATE your donations to a specific department, such as “adoptions.”  I understand, nobody wants to pay for Euthasol.  So, support a part of the shelter that fits your ethical framework.  (By law, designated donations must go toward the desired department/project.)

FOSTER.  Every sick, young or special-needs animal placed in a foster home opens up a cage for a healthy, adoptable animal in the shelter.  Make an investment in one or two dog crates and take some kittens home until they are old enough for spay/neuter.  The shelter will provide medicines, all you have to do is feed them and love them until they weigh two pounds.  Plus, the less time young animals spend in the shelter, the less likely they are to get sick in the first place.

VOLUNTEER.  There are many volunteer opportunities, depending on your skills and background.

If your thing is trap/neuter/release, spend one day a week or month in the PSCPA clinic or another spay/neuter clinic.

Dogs at the SPCA simply do not get out of their runs enough (or sometimes at all).  Come in and take them to the dog park there on campus.  Let them run around.  There just aren’t enough staff members to give such attention to all the animals. Play not only enriches their lives there, but makes them all the more adoptable.

WRITE LETTERS.  Explain to our mayor and state representatives that bailing out the PSPCA would allow CEO Susan Cosby to continue on her mission to make Philadelphia a No Kill city.  If she doesn’t turn the PSPCA around despite our help, then a new leader must be found.

JOIN US.  Support the No Kill Advocacy Center, and join Citizens for a No Kill Philadelphia.

The public can help their city shelters work towards a No Kill Solution.  Turning your back on the situation in favor of already solvent No Kill rescues won’t fix the problem.  Turning your back on the animals who are unfortunate enough to end up in the city’s system doesn’t save lives.

But here’s the catch:  Be prepared to fight them when they refuse to change.

LINKS:

Citizens for a No Kill Philadelphia
PSPCA
Compassion Fatigue
The No Kill Equation